There's a reason they're called "spirits"

24 hours sober, or a little more, is when the emptiness sets in.

I'm drinking to fill a hole inside me. I'm drinking to avoid the boredom of my life. I'm drinking so I don't have to THINK. About anything. I've been thinking for a long time - all my life until a year ago - and I'm tired of it. I don't want to do it anymore.

At some point in the last two years, my spirit has gone missing, so I drink to see if I can find it again.

Or at least forget that it's gone.